John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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