Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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