Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
