i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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