You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
