i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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