Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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