It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
