You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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