Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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