girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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