Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The feeling are messing with the penis
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
