it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
