I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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