PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
