glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
