I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
