Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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