Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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