If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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