Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
