And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
