he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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