Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
