Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
