yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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