FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
