I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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