He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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