sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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