butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
