if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
