Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
