Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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