Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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