There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
