If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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