is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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