that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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