It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
