Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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