Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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