I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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