Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
