it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
