Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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