My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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