is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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