you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize