I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
