you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
