I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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