Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
His hands were made for my vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
