I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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