glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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