If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
