i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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