my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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