She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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