Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada†on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
