Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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