So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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