her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
