You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
