I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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