you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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