i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
