she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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