you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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