she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
