So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
